"Life's a Bitch."

Wednesday, October 31, 2007,

Mood swings are characterized by periods,
commonly referred to as episodes,
of mania and depression.

During an episode of mania,
one may experience an abnormally elevated mood,
irritability, decreased need for sleep,
increased talking and racing thoughts.

During episodes of depression,
one may experience persistent sad and empty moods,
loss of interest in activities, feelings of guilt,
feelings of worthlessness and physical ailments
such as headaches, chronic pain or digestive disorders.

---
im just : "i don't know what im feeling rite now"
which is actually equivalent to BLANK =l
i've been sitting alone and thinking deeply.

i guess i've made it all wrong.
regretting won't get you to achieve without striving.
: to strive but not to yield .

regarding the true facts up there.
was without intentions ,
you see. i don't even know what im feeling.
sometimes i feel blue .
and at times i feel very depressed
yet not happy.

ohwells.
what-to-do.

can i ask a question?
it's great if some of you could answer it for me.
what if,in a sudden.
u felt like no one has been like,urm?

ntahlah,understanding you.
SPEAKING,SAYING,EXPLAINING
is afterall easy.

what about understanding?
friendship has always been making me stressed up.
family matters : at times.
relationship : never. rarely , maybe?

wait,tell me.
no body seems to be understanding me.
im hoping very badly that anis would be treasuring me
the way i do now. cause all i have now was her, and nobody else.
everyone seems busy with their own friendship, leaving me alone.

thank you very much dearest suriani,
she's been there all time thou when i cry at nite,
she wont be the first i would have called
yet our friendship stands so strong that i find it hard
to even be seperated. thank you for showing me the good n bad,
thank you for making me smile.
you will never be replaced.

to eizahdarling :
thank you for being my chinese girlfriend,
i love you like a fat girl loves strawberry very much.
no other chinese girls could ever replace you.
hoping you guys would last long.
thou all your secrets we'rent shared with me,
still you're my girlfriend that i will ever regret
not having you around :] muah~

to nabila & sha :
sha,thank you for making me laugh at all time,
you're a good friend i can see.
but sometimes we just won't be able to be so rapat
like you & lyn or whoever.
but still. you're still a great friend to me
thank you for replacing me for the bernoullians :]
i love you.

nabila,i know you know
we're not even close with each other
so good luck in life babe.
need advice just call me name,
i'll be there

lastly,
to this "still counting long-term BFF"

lyn & lydia :
i guess it's clear that we are not that close like we do,
in the past. im not expecting we to be like we used to.
just that i feel the pain in the heart whenever we're together
i don't feel part of you guys. maybe,its just my feeling
just keep you guys word. i can just advice myself.
im independant and i think i can do it by my self.
but please, i have been dedicating my time & care
with you guys. hoping that you guys would remember the good deeds ive done to you.
good bye.

---
It's hard to remember how it felt before
Now I found the love of my life...
Passes things get more comfortable
Everything is going right

And after all the obstacles
It's good to see you now with someone else
And it's such a miracle that you and me are still good friends
After all that we've been through
I know we're cool

We used to think it was impossible
Now you call me by my new last name
Memories seem like so long ago
Time always kills the pain

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

&thanks dearestqilah for posting.

Thursday, October 25, 2007,

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

hello dearest readers,
im hereby trying my best to always think positive
and never let my mindset turned into the badside ,
thinking that im a failure.
i have done the biggest mistake and
now i regret it very much, really.
i bet you guys wont be going true
the same way how me,yanie,
lydia,wana going thru right now.

i feel like dropping school,
i feel like dying at this moment
cause i find myself as a failure
and there is nothing else that
could help me improve anything cause
i felt that im hopeless,
thank you very much mr azhar,
mr randy tan for those few words
that really matters to me.

now then i realise that money isnt eveyrthing
and i have to face the harsh world bravely,
working at a very low standard place
like the current workplace i am working,
wont bring me any futher,
no future for me,
i cant even afford to feed my parents.
i cant even build my own family,
i cant even do anything with just a low rating pay.
i ahve to have it,
i have to strive for that cert for me
to be able to face the world out there.
because of all these while,
i have not been making use of precious time
and instead i make fun of it,
and now i have failed to proove to everypart of my family
that eventhough i was raised up with both
of a un-educated parents,i can still do it.

that AFFECTS everything i tell you.
i wont be able to work anylonger,
i have to focus on my studies.
that includes that i wont be able to spend time
with any of my ljs staffs,members,
no more of second family,
no more of laugthers and all.

and now i have to face eveything,
i have to let go of this two
important groups that meana lot to me.
i really felt dissapointed,
i cant even face myself.
i cant believe things ended up this bad.
i have to let go of everything.
ahhh,im being emotional.
of course i felt that way.

this is to show how much
dissapointment i felt against myself,you see.

so here you go a speech to my dearest second family :
to ma'am yati,rosnah
[gary,jasmine,allan,karen]
staffs of CT,OC,PS,OD,L8
FEP!

thank you for all the moments we shared,
i as the youngest in the fep members
would like to tell you guys that
i really appreciate having you guys around.
you guys are the best batch of friends that
i have known and i find it hard to let it go.
i know we could meet up or make a call
sometime but those feelings that i had before
would be different,i wont be able to take some fries,
do my sundaymorninghabits with udee,
staringcracking jokes with ma'am yati wan din ,
falling down with don, fighting with khairul
disturbing koh sing? ahah. singing along with shah,
hunkwathing with ida, jokingaroundwithhazim
who else? kept saying sorry to suzy,
have cat&dog fiite with bboy..
laughing out loud with mahadi,
attachment to other shops,making new friends,who else?
working with mimi,new staffs,
teaching new staffs,having meetings,
gathering,giving presents and all,
time flys very fast.
i can't stand this any longer,
everytime i sat down and think of the mistakes that ive done
that leads to this kind of things,
tears started rolling down my cheeks, grrrrrrrrrr.

life has to move on,now lets proceed to
this ever dearest classmate of mine.
thou we been thru thick and thins within a year,
i could feel the bond and the strong
freindship with each other,
this made me hard to go to other classes,
i am seriously going to miss every single
one of you guys , i wont be able to joke
around any longer no more dog fite with farhan,
no more narendran with ted,no more joking,
lmao with drling ira no more boxingbagyan,
nomoretrainingmypunchwithhaziq,
nomoreofhisfarts,nomoreoffightingforLOO,
nomoresumirahnomoreanymoreanylongeernever.
i cant stand it,toodles. goodbye.

assalamualaium semua?
tentu ramai da tahu kan rahsianya saya dibenarkan blog?
sekarang ni yang sebenarnye saya berada di rumah anis niek.
dan intention saya kemari ingin membelog.

semalam was more of a moodswing day for me
i get mad in the morning,happy in the afternoon
and by dawn i get too happy and too high.

i didnt attend school yesterday reasoning i was too lazy
and second i was in holiday mood aready
mum when raya again with her friends
and i dragged myself to the toilet,reached school.
create some cool dancing videos with gfs
not only that,we manage to snap pictures too!
hahaha
lame sia.

nevermind,soon after,
accompanied anis to her house for a change
and off to woodlands,
wooweeey i tell you,
i had fun laughing but yes i know
its somehow of a sin to make fun of someone
but imagine this
its too funny that you can spot it easily sia.
alright anis,she's the one who has been creating those
nonsense jokes,blame her.
ahahah :D

we waited for them more likely
like 2 hours eh?
patiently somemore.
they came and we joke around,
sat down snap pic and off back home.

ohmygod,i think newurbandmale staffs are hot hunks sia.

midnight,had some chat with them
and i cried,badly!
hah,its meant to be.
in school i cried badly.
to both my chinese couple,
cheer up k?
im here for you :]

Tuesday, October 23, 2007,

FINAL GOODBYE

just give me sometime,will ya?
thanks again anis for this wonderful moments,i mean,for giving me a chance to blog?
this blog is soooooo abandoned and thanks NANA CCK for your tremendous comment
on my blog,its dull,its your problem. i like it the way it is. i'll change it sooon laaa;satisfied?
looks like lydia's blog already been in the moutains heh?
not too much time to waste. let me start with everything that i have to say right here.

firstly, thank you soooo much din anis lyn for the listening ear,hello? i appreaciate it ok?

i think i want to have a change in myself,
i want to have my last wish,my last fun,my last everything.
GOD please,show me the way to the right path.
i want to have the best ever fun that i could ever had before

sorry aidil,i have to break up with you.
thou i have not yet ask you for a break up,
i will soon when i know its the right time.
sorry boy,i just dont love you no more.
you just never took the time to know me,
you never took the time to understand.
loving you was all i ever had. but no.
not now nor later nor soon. it'll be a never.
i dont want to fall in love again.
you should not feel sorry nor regrets.
im not sure how much you love me.
but all i know is that im being evil
and i couldnt feel the love for all this 2 months.
when i have it i just hate it and when i dont i asked for it.
and i now i know how it felt like how i wish i would not want to be in it,forever.

cause its hard you know , why?
NORMAL ACADEMIC,

next year

hows that? i've been thiking about it lately,
and i've been planning properly on whats my next move.
i've been down nowadays,just that i wont be able to show it,
its hard and i mean,real hard.
thank you for those who has been making me smile,
who has been giving me support and words of wisdom?
haha,easy to say i really appreaciate you guys surrounding my life,
i wonder how i would be like without any of you guys,
again,thanks a lot.

proceeding to the other chapter of my life that concerns me big time.
friends. haha,i owe them my life,you?
alrights. actually i neevr get tired of arguments if its for friendships.
i believe in what others say , the more we fight the more we have a higher chance
of being BFF , but just dont forget to get back with each other.
but my situation is right now,everyone's acting.
BIG TIME,people dont realised people hatred towards people
people thout people being liked by peoples but people have grudges and
people acted normal when together so people only hate people who people really think that
hates people but never to realise peoples,u wont get me,just stop faking :]

alrights. what a blow.

BROTHERS BOTHERS MY LIFE.

oh really? yes they do.
i love my father. thou he lay a finger on me
he protects me every second
mum i love you but you're just too much
stop acting,dont be like others out there
no use mum,show it.show all your tantrums when dad's home
See what he'll react. scared? hah? expecting dad to nagged like
you always do so that i'll feel scared and listen to them?
protecting your one and only son
when i am the one who has been giving you all the care&concern
giving to berkat helping you thou i might be sometimes nagg?
issit so hard for all of you guys to realise?
i change to the better one.
do you make an effort to change?
would you want to make an effort to change?
why dont you? cause you one your personality to stay up right
you want other to think on the positive side of you?
why are you so scared to show it all.
just show it
oh coommon,the world hates you.
lameloser.
ihateyoufuckin2guysstyinginmyhouseritenow.
mumbequickchange.
towhoeveritmayconcern,
change thosse bad habits change those good side
show your bad side.
i want to let ppl know who beautiful is you :]

-----------------------------------------------------------
banso: thanks!
lydia: eh bitch,i can't ok? i know it is. :]]
irasari: hahahaha. stop it la k. hahaha,imy!
syafiq:thanks bwoi!
lue 12 : hahaha! sape suroh tgk kannn. da raya pon. lols.
kiddie : hahaha. yes kiddie ;]
insyirah : i didnt pon! hehe. imy tooo!
teck yi : hahahaha. you're welcome bitch!
yanie : hahahahhaha. sudah la gf! da tuka ponn :]
lydia::]
hiushi:thanks!you too.
DONSUCKS: hahahahahha. dengki!
mira : soon hunneh
---------------------------------------
recently....
insyiroar : hehehe. now i saw youuu! thanks keh darls!
asyraf: awwwn thanks bro. ive updated :]]]]
AT : hehehhee. thanks,you too ok. maaf kan saye.
romeo : same to you!
spetite : err,k.
aku gadigeduttt:hahaha,thanks anakcik! heheh
kiddie: hahahahha,bitch me? hahaha. ;p
qila : mak kau nmpk kan!
kiddie : hahaha,cousin saye mah!
yanie: hahahahha. thanks hunneh. imy eveyrday k.
banso: haha,his name firin! he cut his hair already. boo!
fie:hahaha,fiebelo! pppp
lydia:hahaha,soon.
hawe. hehehhe. yeaaaah. lyt!
nana:ye lah tu nana.
yanie: AMAT SEKALI!
KIDDIE : ILY la sial! thanks for the chnages in my blog.
thanks for helping me along to post it for me & all :D

Tuesday, October 16, 2007,

PART Of BOWLING DAY :D

GIRLS-NITE-IN BABYYYY :]

RATU KEBAYA KURUNG :D

END OF THIRD DAY?

THIRD DAY . :D

im taking advatage of this. haha. why? cause when im back,
i wont be able to blog. reason cause the firewall setting has a problem.
and im not sure of how to repair of reset or anything to do with that stupid thing.
yeah. alrights,i have pictures to upload soooo. hold on guys.
and btw,this year's raya quite happening lor. billions of pictures snaps.
and oh yeah,before i forget. we had our so called cousin day out at NS team cdans.
we played bowling. thou,the people is not complete. we had fun and i had it too.
it was actually a last minute plan when i asked fidah to go for the "game"
and she did. and i did. and they did. oh ya! didnt i tell you this malay-looking-but-indonesia looking guy kept looking at us? haha. cause i realised it. nevertheless,i suck bad time in bowling.
really. aint no jokes. alrights.i had my daynite with grlfies cum cuzies.
we had fun too. laughing and snapping pictures like no body cares.
till,i didnt get to go to school today cause why? i was lazy. what's with school?
i dont even want to bother boout it anylonger,witth no longer seniors.
bored with only juniours with pathethic ever peraangaaaaai.
excuse me,kalau sape makan chilli rase he lemak pedas die. hah :]
proceed,i think im going crazy. haha. not over someone. but the REAL crazy.
you know why? cause i dont. :p

i miss my eight girlfriends,oh maybe just few of thems.
excluding the one who's not always with us. NO NAMES.
but hey,its fact that she didnt want to tag along with us
reason wanting to be with only her boyfriend. ya,go ahead.
just anything,dont blame us for lefting you out. you want it. so be it. :D

sooo. here we go. pictureessssss :]

Monday, October 15, 2007,

cause i snap more pictures than you guys

mke sure you feel those jealousy feelings,ok?

promise? k go.

hahah :D

i have moe to go.

thats for today :D

farwell. :pp