"Life's a Bitch."

Wednesday, March 31, 2010,

WUHOOOOO.

BOY MOP COMMIN BACK TO SINGAPORE TODAY.
damn you.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010,

Happy Belated Birthday , Zhy.

Before i forget posting about someone i know,
Let's wish this little cute baby named zhy
a very happy 23rd birthday and may all your wishes come true.

Just Remember Dear,
for whatever setbacks and difficulties that
you had gone through just happened for a reason and
one thing for sure,it'll surely make you much more stronger
than you was before. i feel every pain you went through.
i wish i could be there everytime you're in need,
everytime you're in pain. i told you to be strong and
whatever i had been blabbering to you since the day we met
till the day you celebrated your birthday, i hope you think it through.

love you zhy.

left is zhy. right is nick. (:
i know you're in china now already,safe trip and meet us soon!
XOXO.

proceed, let's share what happened during zhy's birthday.
daddy finally let me head out of house. phhhhhewwwww,
trust me. i was suffocating badly in my room with nothing to do.

^^

ryn couldnt make it cause she had he impromtu
plan with syugs to jb with her family. she had fun. (:

so... met nick.. jo.. bought the cake and then casper came,
wanting to join us.. we took the cab there and then came the rest.
lyn and sha joined me.. nick brought along nana and fyza..
then came barbara and kittie's friends.. we were waiting for our
turn to hit the club.. casper bought me baron for a start.

as soon as we went in,
i was all giggle and innuendo,on my highest mood and danced!
i mananged to chit chat with this cute bartender. damn he's cute. ^^
overall was fun and im loving it.

oh,saw sweet kika. (:

we didnt realised it was time and headed back home.
thanks lyn and zul. i appreciate both of you.

(:

Big Girls Don't Cry,But I Do.

Hola Lovelies,
be it those who loves me,be it those who despise me.
i know you still read my blog. (:

what i did the whole day today?
let me start with yesterday.

we had an impromtu meet up,
sorry ryn,you texted me too early..
i was snoring my way in lala land,hehe.
fhiez wanted to meet up and so we did..
i texted my beloved ones and they came at starbucks bpp.

to my amazement,i was first to reached and then came yanie,
ryn..fhiez..aliff..taufiq and ju. slacked for awhile and headed lot one.
photocopied this tuition moe grant and slacked with ryn and them for awhile.
then came zack..get updates with each other and he kept repeating
he was playing 6 faces just to stay in the game, what-the-hell zack. haha.
came shiqin and husband and my beloved daughters! aww,so elated to see em'

then came shah,boy funny and his friend who kept pestering me
to asked nabila to join us. fyi nabila,someone's interested in you,again.
hahaha, neverending ey nabila? (:

had to head back home and boy funny was calling me kental for gg home early.
screw you eh,imma good girl now. hehe.

sorry zai,
i know you hated me for what i've become.
i wished we could talk soon my friend.
it hurts to see you acting like i was a stranger to you.
it really hurts.

sooo,ryn tagged along over my crib and we had our sleepover again!
this time we slept earlier then the other day but we managed to do
lotsa stuffs together. we were so invigorated and full of joy,
endlessly disturbing people and webcammed with them.
sorry dan mercer you had to wait for us till u fell asleep. =p

i only woke up around 3pm the next day and
we had our own homecooked nasi goreng sambal belacan
for breakfast cum lunch.. we watched adnan sempit @ youtube.
send ryn back home and im here now,busy downloading new sofwares
for my lappy. i can't wait to start school,like seriously.

i just wanna get the hell out of this stupid situation i am stucked in right now.
it's not that im running away from reality,i just wanna get rid of this mixed
feeling that is in me right now.

i love you mama,i love you daddy and i love you syahfi.
(:

Sunday, March 28, 2010,

Slashed Through The Heart.

This time,
I realised.

I managed to opened up my eyes wide to see who had been there
for me all this while and who has been acting like one.

I love my parents.
I love my bestfriend.
I love my 6 girlfriends.
I love ryn.
I love suriani.
I love yaya and yanie.
I love nick,barbara,zhy,nana and fiza.
I love my closeguybuddies :
zai , ju , fhiez ,aliff.. (you know who you are)

lastly,i love myself.

this is the part where i miss zul.
this is the part where i miss zai.
this is the part where i miss aidil.
this is the part where i miss din.
this is the part where i miss khai.

this is the part where i miss my youngest bro,syahfi

& this is the part where i miss the old me.

I'm sorry abah and ibu for making my life a burden for both of you.
I didnt mean to. I didnt realised how much you loved me that i kept
on dissapointing and made both of you worried of me everytime
i'm home in the morning,everytime i just sit and stare without saying a thing.

it keeps me thinking yet i didnt halt all that.
i guess i should stop looking like a fool, acting like one.
i dont fit in to the new surrounding.

i'm not wild enough neither am i strong enough
to keep competing over nothing. nothing that is worth the fight.
just let it be now,i really want to change.

i know,no use saying when action speaks louder then words.
but i mean this. im starting school soon, this shouldnt be
the attitude i should set up. i be going down.

Lyn hanis binte redzuan,guide me along.

Saturday, March 27, 2010,

All i ever wanted was to smile.

I hate life as it is now.
All i ever asked for was to smile and be happy.
Problems will reoccur in life but not as always.
But for me,it's never ending and im hating this.

& Boy,I Wished We Could Spend Time a Little Longer.

Friday, March 26, 2010,

Doltish.

LET IT BE,BABY!
been there done that all.

Oh boy.

TODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY,
a few missed call from several people in the morning.
I had to forced myself to wake up and get to bath.

Decided to cancelled plan meeting nana and ryn early,
so met lyn and lydia @ our old school to supervised
our junior malaydancers.

Gosh,Lyn Is So Fierce. Believe me.
HAHAHAHA. "sepak nak?"

^^

after them done with rehearsals,
we walked our way from school to lot one.
yan and friends were there.. and then came nana and fiza.
screw,ryn paitao us.. shah decided to slacked with me today..
so we met. bought some food,thanks nana (love you)
then came dan,shockingly.

slacked for awhile and lyn came to join us for awhile.
and im home now.

tommorow is
"let's take a deep breath day" with ryn in the morning.

Thursday, March 25, 2010,

Don't Fret it.

All i need to do now is to Smile. ^^
That is all it takes for a stepping stone to just
forget about a heartless person like him. (:

Thanks to my beloved babylove,Ryn for the company yesterday.
In the Afternoon was meet up with beloved old classmates.
Aww how much i missed them all. Slacked around old school and
had some conversations with teachers.

As soon as it's time,
headed yew tee and had lunch with ryn.
then came ian and friend joining us for awhile before
we went on our seperate ways.

journied ourselves to ryn's crib while she get herself ready.
walked our way and slacked with zhy,shiqin,barbara,nick..
baby love cutie hunnie bunnie alisya and adiknya..
met 6gfs for awhile and then to the front of lot
where i saw ___________. who ______ if _______.

fuck ya'll.

back home with yan and friends thru lrt..
slacked and otp with mus for awhile..
eat laugh noise tears anger all happened within that period
me and ryn were both awake till 6plus in the morning.

woke up in the afternoon when yan came over my crib..
walked to apai's crib at fajar to prepare for pel's birthday,
went to the desinated place and i headed home early.
happy birthday pel. ^^

webcammed with boycute , faz and irritating asshole.
was about to sleep when he ringed me up.
we met.
haish.

why boy,why.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010,

Take Time To Realize.

Everytime i tried to blog, something halt me from doing it.

WHY? Because..

I'm ashamed of myself. Ashamed of my close ones, my good cliques;
whom i didnt realised not until the day i regret that they were
the one who cared for me, who will be there when im in need,
who would cry with me when i cry, who emphatized me, who feel me.
who would feel dissapointed at one moment but still accept me for who i am.

I'm Ashamed of all of them. I'm even ashamed of myself for
being trapped into something that could be avoided.
it wasnt an inevitable situation. i should have think before i act.
God,tell me about it. how cliche does it sound when i say
we all gotta think before doing things knowing what the outcome will be?

well,as much as i know myself as someone who could think.
who could at least give second thoughts, i didnt.
i regret, i regret every single thing i've done lately.

from the wrong cliques that hang out with,
the wrong company i mix with,
the wrong guy i got to know with.

all that sucks. i dont fit in into all that. i knew it.
but.. im confused. what has got into me? what have i become?
it was from good to worst anyone could ever imagine.

im sorry to my lovely ones for dissapointing you guys.
im sorry zai for making you feel like shit.
im sorry yanie,lyn and all for having a friend like me.
im sorry dad. im sorry mum.

my life is at stake and if i dont do anything about it now,
i be dead. i be worst. i wont be me.

GOD.

what? love?
what is love? that four letter words that makes a great impact
in each and everyone's life including me. and you know what?
im hurt. yerps,again and again and again.

the shattered heart were never mend by any.
it worsen everytime i fall. it worsen everytime i tried to get over and done with.

to you boy,
for as much as i tried keeping it to myself,
i couldnt. i couldnt accept the fact that it has to end this way.
flings? flirt? friends? it was more than just flings.
it was more of feelings. i thought even with no commitments,
i could at least smile when im with you.

and when im with you,
all i want to do was to smile and make it last before
the next time we meet. your smile makes my day.
your laughters keeps swirling in my mind.
your sweet words melts me. your care made me feel safe.
your presence was just about anything that could make me
put everything aside and just be with you.

how could this be so fast?
no one could answer that.
neither do i. it was worst than infactuation i had before.
we just met and things happened.

i wish you were true to me.
i was just about to fall that you left me with truth revealed ; it hurts.
it hurts deep inside.

i couldnt use the word love but i cared.
i cared for you dan.

yes,you.
and now its over,i had to smile.

thanks for those sweet moments,i'll miss you.

Friday, March 19, 2010,

Kuala Lumpur Baby! ^^.

Yesterday,woke up and the first thing first
was to surf the net and sweetie was online! hehuha.
webcamed and when it was about time,get readied to meet rynbaby.
soon after her interview at britishindia (congrats you got the place sweets) ,
we headed fareast plaza for breakfast cum lunch at puncak.
we've always got something to talk and laugh about which makes
every conversations never ending. (:

took the bus to clarke quay where ryn accompanied me
to take the camera and slacked at central's starbucks.
everything was a rush that we took the cab to chinatown
for me to buy coach tickets for today. baaaaaaaaaah.
thank you ryn,i love you. haha

we took 190 back to lot one to meet faris ashraf
and saw shah in the bus! as soon as we reached lot one,
met zhy barbara and shikin for awhile before gg on seperate ways.

thats when me and ryn had long island tea before im off to KL.
we went to the back of lot and met new cute friends! (:
wana came,and then came nana and her friends..
as soon as sweetie came to fetch me up,
ryn joined us and we slacked at cck park for some convo.

gosh,preety bad one huh?
sweets and ryn was doing the talk while i be the one talking to myself.
sweets kept doing this inside joke that i cant stop laughing,
when come to think of it. =p

send ryn off back home and had a very tight hug and kiss from her!
mwahs mwahs mwahs.

sweets later send me off because he has GOT to go Clarke quay.
he was so lucky i was smoking under my block and
when i was about to open the doors to my crib,
he then called to say he cancelled it and decided to slack with me,
yeay. the day before yesterday was alvin and the chipmunks in the car,
yesterday was g-force and im loving the time spent with him. (:

we didnt realised that the time already strucks 4.30am in the morning,
he send me back home and i just cant let go off him.

gosh,im missing him already. ='(

So..now
Huraaaaaaaaaaaaaah,im at Kl now with beloved girlfriend;wana.
our initial plan was to have breakfast before heading to our pick up point
but as always,we will never be puntual so we had to flag a cab there.
no breakfast till we book into the hotel.

since i hadnt sleep the whole day,
i made use of the journey to kl sleeping that i cant even hear
wana while she was mentioning to me this and that.
sorry dear,couldnt help it,was too sleepy. haha

as we reached,we've always had an eye for swiss garden hotel
but it was already fully book. damn it,matherfucker.
we then made our way to royale hotel but was a splurge!
at last,federal hotel was our last resort and we're here!

slacked,smoke and smoke and smoke then
headed out to find something to wear for tommorow's concert!
yipeeee,i got myself a very nice tee! im loving it.

passed by petaling street and we had fun disturbing
the people there,instead of them disturbing us.
(trying to act like we were "rough" when talking to them")
and it was so funny when they mentioned this ..
"ahhh come see inside.. wah preety girl ah,i give u free,come"

hahahahha.
you see how these people try to rise the sales up?
we ended up defeating the sales person, bargaining the best price.
imagine a price from 80ringgit to 20? 45 to 15?
u imagine a buyer who never bargain their stuffs,
how much profit might those sellers get?

gosh,gotta be smart when it comes to that.
play tricks like how they do it.
and im being random.

can't wait to see my beloved babies tommorow.
i bet it's gonna be very very very happening. (:
DINNER TIME!

p/s : boy,there's something i want you to know..

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Thursday, March 18, 2010,

you're confusing me.

gah. i miss blogging so much til it feels like it makes me more and more

lazier to just blog. for as much as blogging has been the best companion

to me,i just feel there's nothing interesting for me to update here.

nothing.

life is a bore just full of challenges and setbacks.

when is happiness gonna be on my side?

or am i ever gonna feel what happiness in life is all about?

i don't feel like bloggin now but for what i know,

boy. you're confusing me.

i miss you but no i dont cause i dont know if you're for real.

maybe we're just friends and nothing else.

maybe you wont realise that all these while my feelings was for real.

maybe you didnt realise that at this very moment, all i need is you

to make my day,to bring me to sleep, to look forward for another day.

but all i get was patience,doubts,complications,misunderstood.

im hating this but i want this to last longer.

boy,

i miss your kiss on my neck when we whisper in the night.

well i sound obssesed over you but what do i need to care?

just that apart of you completes me and i'm loving it.

Friday, March 5, 2010,

Ridiculous Prices.

Huraaaaah,
tell me something good cause no matter what happens,
i'm still sexited . we've (wana & me) got 13 days to go.
SUPER JUNIOR CONCERT , 7PM , STADIUM BUKIT JALIL. *lonjat2*

I've got soooo many things i have to do,
School stuffs which have diff datelines and requirements,
Super Junior's Tee Shirt Prints,
Coach and Hotel Tickets,
Camera Rental,
Cousins Sakura Night Out,
Beloved Ladies and GentleMen Night Out,
Shopping,
Notebook Roadshows,
Work work work work and work.

gosh,im shagged. not british shagged. english shagged.
mentally and physically ; damn.

speaking of which ; work.
i've got something interesting to share here.
those pictures below are some selected apparels and access
from where i am working right now and i just need
you to see what those big spenders means. (:

just a tee could cost you 930 bucks,

yet we've got only one teeshirt left for this and white color.

-_-

you could actually spend this big bucks

on iphone or maybe a new laptop , elec devices foods, savings.

GOSH.

we've got this simple nude summer top

which will really cost you $1350

i like this one but no one seems to have caught their eye on this.

this cost : $990 .

-______-

so far,one sugardaddy bought for his ______.
and he already had a wife.
everytime he dropby the shop,he be with diff girls from diff country.

and this cost : $2090

stupid sugardaddy. he should have bought me a new notebook
rather then spending soooo much money for pleasure.

ahhh this one, the most ugliest yet the most ridiculous price.
it'll cost you : $3590

2008 spring summer.
No one dares to touch this.
HAHA.

my fave black simple leather bag cost $920.

my fav wedges i wont find outside,
specially made from those italians, phyton skin.
cost 800 bucks and its freaking nice.

boo.
you see,these are just selected ones
some teeshirts only had one label can cost up to what,700 plusplus bucks?

and there are people who buy out apparels here
and it's more then my dad's bonus/pay.

haha.
don't be suprised how woman shop.
its called retail theraphy. ^^

one shop,siti jusuf managed to spend almost 40k.
how cool is she man?

wuhooo.

you know what,

i know im being random.

Thursday, March 4, 2010,

I'll never be the same.

You know,in life.
Things don't always go the way we want it to be,
but if you're lucky enough,your wish would be fulfilled.
& if you don't,just take it as if its not the right time
for you. don't ever feel bad about not having a good life,
neither do you have to feel so good and proud, living in luxury.
what i am trying to imply here is that whatever whenever wherever
whoever however we do things,whether it turns out sweet or sour,
it all happened for a reason and not just simply that.

Well frankly,whatever just happened lately,
I REGRET but i kept telling myself it has to happened for a reason.

I lost interest in almost everything when i first lost my first real love,
gained back courage and strength to move on, but shattered just like
that because of such humans who exist in our world.

i can't help it but to feel weak. to feel im at fault all the time.
come to think of it. i was dumb. stupid. doltish.
i suffer things that aren't really matters in my life.

i just want school to start soon. i miss having to feel stress about school.
to have group of friends to talk about .. to ask and learn..
arghhhhhh. can't wait. (:

im done.tommorow's fullforce @ work! yeay! ^^v.

15 more days to SuperJunior Concert!

firstly i miss mail,

secondly i miss my best girls,

thirdly ari's crapness,