Everytime i tried to blog, something halt me from doing it.

WHY? Because..

I'm ashamed of myself. Ashamed of my close ones, my good cliques;
whom i didnt realised not until the day i regret that they were
the one who cared for me, who will be there when im in need,
who would cry with me when i cry, who emphatized me, who feel me.
who would feel dissapointed at one moment but still accept me for who i am.

I'm Ashamed of all of them. I'm even ashamed of myself for
being trapped into something that could be avoided.
it wasnt an inevitable situation. i should have think before i act.
God,tell me about it. how cliche does it sound when i say
we all gotta think before doing things knowing what the outcome will be?

well,as much as i know myself as someone who could think.
who could at least give second thoughts, i didnt.
i regret, i regret every single thing i've done lately.

from the wrong cliques that hang out with,
the wrong company i mix with,
the wrong guy i got to know with.

all that sucks. i dont fit in into all that. i knew it.
but.. im confused. what has got into me? what have i become?
it was from good to worst anyone could ever imagine.

im sorry to my lovely ones for dissapointing you guys.
im sorry zai for making you feel like shit.
im sorry yanie,lyn and all for having a friend like me.
im sorry dad. im sorry mum.

my life is at stake and if i dont do anything about it now,
i be dead. i be worst. i wont be me.

GOD.

what? love?
what is love? that four letter words that makes a great impact
in each and everyone's life including me. and you know what?
im hurt. yerps,again and again and again.

the shattered heart were never mend by any.
it worsen everytime i fall. it worsen everytime i tried to get over and done with.

to you boy,
for as much as i tried keeping it to myself,
i couldnt. i couldnt accept the fact that it has to end this way.
flings? flirt? friends? it was more than just flings.
it was more of feelings. i thought even with no commitments,
i could at least smile when im with you.

and when im with you,
all i want to do was to smile and make it last before
the next time we meet. your smile makes my day.
your laughters keeps swirling in my mind.
your sweet words melts me. your care made me feel safe.
your presence was just about anything that could make me
put everything aside and just be with you.

how could this be so fast?
no one could answer that.
neither do i. it was worst than infactuation i had before.
we just met and things happened.

i wish you were true to me.
i was just about to fall that you left me with truth revealed ; it hurts.
it hurts deep inside.

i couldnt use the word love but i cared.
i cared for you dan.

yes,you.
and now its over,i had to smile.

thanks for those sweet moments,i'll miss you.